To deny my own desires, to deny my expectations, to deny what I think is best for tomorrow, to deny the uncontrollable, the imperfect, the future which I don’t have any control of. Is to be free of the chains of living breathless, living dead, with anxieties that prevent me to enjoy today—“do not worry about tomorrow, for every day has its own worries.” Then I turn away from the trust I had on what I thought is controllable and even best for my tomorrow. Let go, open hands, letting off the expectation I had of tomorrow, of what I thought best: My idealistic future—perhaps a lover, a profession, a ministry, places, placements, and even good intentioned plans.
Or perhaps, even promises I was holding onto, indeed God-given promises. The “Isaacs” of my life, that I was unwilling to sacrifice, to kill in my heart!
Then the Lord whispered: “Seek my kingdom first, and everything else shall be added unto you.” What a whisper! To let go of the promise, of the expectation: “To lose my life, to gain it… for what profits a man to gain the whole world, but to lose himself.”
Oh, what a paradox this is! To let go what we hold dear, what we idolize, what we worship, indeed hard it is to “hate mother, father, brother, wife…” so that one can be called “worthy to follow Him.”
But even more paradoxical is to let go, to surrender, to finally kill that idealistic expectation of tomorrow, to kill the Isaac in our hearts; and then, yes then, He chooses to provide?! PROVIDE? Yes! Not only letting Isaac live, but providing with the Lamb to be sacrificed. Yes! His very self! His very being! Wait what? Why?! To enjoy a life in relationship with the Father, then, oh wow! In His mercies, He chooses to give us what is best: That Isaac? Well, in a way, yes He lets the Isaac live and be part of our lives! That very Promise He gave us, but oh,
how could we not realize He Himself is the TRUE BEST FOR US! He Himself is the gift! But wait! He still chooses to give us Isaac!!! Oh wow, who we are to deserve such LOVE?! Wasn’t Himself enough?
The scales fall off from our eyes and finally, “we find ourselves,” astonished at His unconditional love, we find He gave us the very deep desires of our hearts, though at times, we do not even know what was the depth of our wants and desires. For He knows us more than we will ever know ourselves, then and only then we realize: He truly designs us! When we put to death our past in the cross and let go of our future, and simply surrender, and fully trust the Father, then freedom overwhelms us. It is then when we let go and trust Daddy fully, that we finally realize that He won’t give us a “scorpion, for a fish” It is then and only then we realize He is Good!